what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
