haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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