Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We don't watch enough power rangers
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.