i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.