If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit