"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.