Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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