I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!