Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
