Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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