Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
