U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
please don't ironically join a cult
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