Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize