I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
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Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
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Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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