yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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