you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
