I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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