I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
