At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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