Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
