his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
