Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
