I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize