so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
