If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
