Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
