i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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