I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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