so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
