I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
