I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
