Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
