If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
