a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
