I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
