My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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