Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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