he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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