I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
