I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
