I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
