threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
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so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
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You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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