So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
