apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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