did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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