her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
