Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I puked a lego.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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