she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
