i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Last time i carry you out of a forest
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
