don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
