Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
