I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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