All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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