awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
