woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
