you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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