chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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