He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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