Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
