You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
