there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize