You smell like a Billy Joel song
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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