apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
