wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
