I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
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Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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