I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
