Cold hands, warm shart.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
