she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just had sex on a roof
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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