I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
