You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
