Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
