I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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