You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
