so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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