there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
